Seven Myths Regarding Forgiveness
It is important, for the sake of healing, to remember a serious injury. We must resolve our losses, not bury them. Also, it is important to protect ourselves from being injured in the same way again.
2. We should withhold forgiveness from a person if they are not repentant.
Forgiveness takes only one person. We don’t want to give the injurer power over us by making our forgiveness dependent on their repentance.
3. Once we forgive someone, we should reunite with that person as if the injury had never occurred.
While forgiveness may take only one person, reconciliation takes both the injurer and the injured. To be reconciled to someone, the injurer will need to accept responsibility for the injury and desire reconciliation. Reconciliation is foremost a matter of the heart. Reuniting is a step beyond reconciliation. And can be difficult due to the fact that rarely can a relationship pick up where it left off.
4. One should try to forgive others quickly and completely.
Forgiveness is a process, not an event; therefore, it cannot be rushed. We must
Face the pain, analyze it, and look for a way to re-build any self-respect we may have lost due to the injury. It may mean sharing our journey with others and professional counseling. The decision to forgive is not forgiveness itself.
5. One should never hate those who wrong them.
In an ideal world!!! However, reality tells us that, when seriously injured, we may well have feelings of hatred towards those who injured us. It is important to admit that we have these feelings and attempt to move on.
6. Over time, forgiveness will come about by itself.
The journey toward forgiveness begins with the conscious choice to forgive, and it ends as a gift of God’s peace.
6. To forgive completely, one should try to make everything go back to the way it was before the injury occurred.
Even if this were possible, which it is not, it may not always be desirable. If we are safe and the abuse has stopped, we might choose to forgive another for
Physically abusing us. We may, however, choose not to re-enter a marriage or close relationship with this person.
7. To Forgive completely, one should attempt to make everything return to the way it was before the injury occurred.
Even if this were possible, which it is not, it might not be desirable. If we have been physically abused, and we are safe, we might choose to forgive the abuser. We may choose, however, not to re-enter into a close relationship with this person.